Father–son relationships in Israeli military families from the perspective of adult sons

• Published date: 01 October 2022
• Author: Yael Doft,Chaya Possick
• Date: 01 October 2022
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12693

RESEARCH

Father–son relationships in Israeli military families

from the perspective of adult sons

Yael Doft|Chaya Possick

School of Social Work, Ariel University, Ariel,

Israel

Correspondence

Chaya Possick, School of Social Work, Ariel

University, P.O.B. 3, Ariel, Israel.

Email: chayapossick@gmail.com

Abstract

Objective: This research examines the experience of

father–son relationships from the perspective of Israeli

men whose fathers served as career combat officers.

Background: Military families in general, and children in

particular, face unique challenges in dealing with conflicting

demands of two “greedy institutions,”military and family.

Method: This study is an interpretative phenomenological

analysis of in-depth interviews with 12 Israeli men, aged

25 to 49years, who were sons of combat officers who

served at least 15 years in the Israeli military.

Results: Five themes were identified through the men’s

responses: (a) father as idealized figure, (b) rationalizing

father’s distant stance, (c) absence of fear for father’s

safety, (d) role reversal: taking responsibility for the

father–son relationship, (3) shifts in the relationship after

father’s retirement from the military.

Conclusion: The unique life experience of military children as

expressed in our findings is presented through the lens of

Bozormenyi-Nagy’s (1987) contextual theory of the family.

Participants exhibited “invisible loyalties”—complex, often

contradictory feelings toward the father and his military

career. Some strived to establish relationships very different

from the one they had with their father but had difficulty

doing so. Others voiced a balanced assessment of the benefits

and “price”of being a military child and proceeded to develop

relationships without being burdened by the military legacy.

Implications: This work provides insight for the provision of

group activities sponsored by the military for fathers and

sons and for those who offer counseling services for young

adult military children even after the father’s retirement.

The past several decades have seen a growing body of knowledge about the significance of the

father–son relationship and the tensions in the lives of military families. The current qualitative

study focuses on the intersection of these two domains: It demonstrates the nature and meaning

Received: 15 February 2021Revised: 17 September 2021Accepted: 23 January 2022

DOI: 10.1111/fare.12693

© 2022 National Council on Family Relations.

1538 Family Relations. 2022;71:1538–1553.wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/fare

of the father’s presence in his son’s life as experienced in the unique context of the experiences

of sons of career officers in the Israeli army. The study is based on in-depth interviews with

12 men aged 25 to 49 years who are sons of men who served at least 15 years as combat military

officers in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).

THE CONTEXT: THE INTERSECTION OF MILITARY LIFE AND

FAMILY LIFE IN ISRAEL

In contrast to military organizations in other countries, the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) are

considered “the people’s army,”and 2 to 3 years of military service is mandatory for men and

women. Until recently, in line with gender norms, Israeli women have been relegated to admin-

istrative and supportive roles in the military. In the past decade, women may elect to serve in

combat positions, but only a small minority choose this route. The military in Israel is afforded

special status in Israeli society above and beyond other institutions, such as the police, the judi-

ciary system, the government and Parliament (Eran-Jona, 2011).

The military is a demanding organization that directs the time, as well as physical and

emotional energy resources, of those who serve by controlling many aspects of their lives. This

includes areas such as occupation, education, rank, work location, degree of risk exposure,

dress, leisure activities, and vacation (Eran-Jona, 2011). Both the military and the family have

been termed “greedy institutions”that compete for the commitment, loyalty, time, and energy

of their members (Segal-Wechsler, 1986; Vuga & Juvan, 2013). Israel is a society that is child-

and family-centered (Lavee & Katz, 2003); however, the heavy demands of the military influ-

ence the construction, formation, and maintenance of the family. In Israel, the military has a

clear expectation that career officers, who have roles as “the head of the family,”the fighter,

and the wage earner, be released from the household and childrearing responsibilities to

devote himself completely to his military role (Eran-Jona, 2011). It has been suggested that

the conflict between military and family demands may be especially intense in Israel because

of the high value that Israeli society places on both these institutions (Dekel et al., 2016).

Men who serve as combat officers represent the hegemonic male image in the Western world

in general (Moelker et al., 2019) and in Jewish Israeli society in particular (Eran-Jona, 2011).

Male hegemony is a societal structure in which culturally determined male traits are idealized,

explaining how and why men maintain high status and dominance over women and other

groups considered to be feminine. Masculine traits include strength, courage, independence,

assertiveness (including physical action and risk taking), control, and an overemphasis on

power, often associated with aggression and a disregard for consequences and responsibility

(Connell, 2009). The military fighter ethos along with the experience of military service by the

vast majority of Jewish Israeli men creates an inextricable bond that links being male, Israeli,

and a soldier and reinforces the hegemonic model of maleness not only in the military but in

Israeli society as a whole. This in turn reinforces traditional gender roles in the family (Sasson-

Levy, 2006).

In recent decades, Israel has transitioned from a societythatis collectively organized around

the military to a civilian society in which emphasis is placed on individual values and goals (Levy

et al., 2007). During thissame period, the rise of feminism engendered changes in traditional gen-

der roles. These two trends have intensified the tension between family and military life and

between the image of the male partner/parent and the male combat fighter (Eran-Jona,2011).

The “new masculinity,”which is less aggressive, achievement-oriented, and competitive, and the

sensitive, new man who takes a more active role in the home and the family is granted greater

social legitimacy than in the past (Craig, 2006). Men in the military are situated within an organi-

zation that glorifies the hegemonic model of masculinity that limits their ability to be active and

involved parents and egalitarian partners (Eran-Jona, 2015.

FATHER–SON RELATIONSHIPS IN ISRAELI MILITARY FAMILIES1539