Fair fighters remain lovers--and friends.

• Position: Marriage Counseling

They are the kind of couple we all love to hate: always laughing, holding hands, and smiling at each other from across the room, but what really is maddening is they have been together forever, yet still seem to like each other. Why are these happy couples so perfect? What is their secret to relationship bliss?

"They're willing to fight," says marriage and relationship counselor Judith Wright, coauthor (along with her husband Bob Wright) of The Heart of the Fight: A Couples Guide to 15 Common Fights, What They Really Mean & How They Can Bring You Closer. "Arguing is the most powerful tool that a couple has for growing stronger. Only when a couple masters the art of productive fighting can they reach the highest levels of intimacy and closeness, but how you fight matters."

Minimize the negative. Minimize the destructive, contemptuous fighting tactics like blaming, attacking, name-calling, sarcasm, and mocking. No fight is perfect, but low blows do not get you anywhere.

Accentuate the positive. Use fighting tactics to move you forward. Be open, vulnerable, genuine, and truthful, and tell your partner why he or she truly matters to you.

Never take or give more than 50% of the blame. It takes two to tango. Maybe your partner started the argument, but you were the one who responded poorly. In any fight, the highest percentage of blame any one person can have is 50%. It may not be easy but, if you can stick to this rule, you will be amazed how much more productive your fight will be.

Take 100%...