Entrenched Postseparation Parenting Disputes: The Role of Interparental Hatred?

• Author: Lawrence J. Moloney,Bruce M. Smyth
• Date: 01 July 2017
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12294
• Published date: 01 July 2017

SPECIAL FEATURE: INTERPARENTAL HATRED

ENTRENCHED POSTSEPARATION PARENTING DISPUTES:

THE ROLE OF INTERPARENTAL HATRED?

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Bruce M. Smyth and Lawrence J. Moloney

There is an emerging view that the term “high conflict” oversimplifies the nature of destructive family dynamics, especially with

respect to the small but resource-intensive group of separated parents who remain deeplyenmeshed in legal battles and parental acri-

mony. In this Article we propose that interparental hatred may be a key relationship dyna mic driving the behavior of some in this

group. We suggest a distinction between two types of interparental hatred:one that arises from responses to separation-related stresses

(reactive hatred) and the other (entrenched hatred) that is indicative of more embedded, dysfunctional interpersonal dyna mics and/or

personality structures. While reactive hatred is typical ly time limited and amenable to professional intervention, entrenched hatred

tends to overwhelm rationally informed attempts to mediate, negotiate, or even adhere to orders regarding suitable parenting arrange-

ments. We contend that while effective intervention in these cases requires all the generic skills and responses necessary for dealing

with highly conflicted disputes, it is also important to name and appropriately challenge interparental hatred when it is detected.

Key Points for the Family Court Community:

There is a need to continue to discriminate between different presentations of high conflict in postseparation parenting disputes.

Among the range of interpersonal dynamics associated with high-conflict cases, hatred between parents (or family

members) is worthy of consideration.

In a family law context, hatred is most clearly characterized by a strongly negative global assessment of another—

usually a former partner—who is judged to be deserving of no respect as a person or a parent.

Expressions of hatred can be primarilyreactive—that is, they can spring from responses to separation-related stresses that are

likely to be time limited—or entrenched—that is, of a more enduring nature, probably originating from, and fueled by, more

deep-seated difficulties in the personality structure of one (or both) parent(s), dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics, or both.

Though reactive hatred can interfere with the quality of parenting and parenting negotiations, its generally time-limited

nature makes it amenable to a range of intervention strategies.

By contrast, entrenched hatred is more likely to feed continually high levels of entrenched conflict over parenting.

Naming hatred where it exists is a necessary precursor to effective interventions aimed at managing or resolving post-

separation parenting disputes.

When hatred coexists with violent or abusive behavior, consideration of those behaviors and their consequences must

take precedence.

Effective intervention into hatred-fueled conflict requires high levels of clinical skills and cooperation at all levels of

the family law system.

Keywords: Child Custody; Divorce; Domestic Violence; Former Spouse Relations; Hatred; High Conflict; and Mediation.

“She’s like the evil mastermind of a horror film.”

– Father with joint physical custody; 5 years since separation

“I hate him. I wish he were dead.”

– Mother with joint physical custody; 4 years since separation

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INTRODUCTION

The term “high conflict” is used by practitioners and researchers to describe a wide array of indi-

viduals and circumstances, including high-conflict personalities, people, parents, litigants, couples,

Correspondence: Bruce.Smyth@anu.edu.au; L.Moloney@latrobe.edu.au

FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 55 No. 3, July 2017 404–416

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C2017 Association of Family and Conciliation Courts