Don't File Those Papers Just Yet.

• Author: Odegard, Mamiko
• Position: MIND & BODY

NOW that the holidays are behind us, many look with anticipation toward the promise of the new year and what it may bring. How does love play into your expectations and desires? January has the reputation for starting new resolutions to change behaviors; it also is also the month in which the most people file for divorce.

The intentions to divorce frequentiy begin months, or perhaps years, earlier, yet most individuals are hesitant to file before or during the festive season to avoid disrupting family traditions and holiday happiness. Many who do file in January want a fresh start rather than another year of an unfulfilling relationship holding them back. Filing after the holidays also relieves them of the strains of pretending that the marriage and family are intact.

However, you do not have to become a divorce statistic. Instead, it is possible to fill each day with loving and tender moments. This option is open to all--as long as the elements of love and caring exist in your relationship. Indeed, if they are even a little bit present, there is hope.

Whatever you yearn for in life, you must learn to give it to yourself first. When you ignore and push down your real needs and wants, you may continue being the good spouse, son, daughter, parent, or friend--for a while at least. More likely, though, you will turn into a person you loathe: impatient, fault finding, and quick to anger. When you consistently are the last to be fulfilled, you are treading a sure path to depression, anger, anxiety, and feelings of being unworthy and unprioritized.

Do not wish for your partner to change--take the first step to improve your relationship. If you wait for another person to give you more affection, pay more attention to you, listen and understand more deeply and effectively, or more actively assist you with home and family responsibilities, you risk becoming more critical and unconsciously may push your lover further away.

You can avert the downward spiral of allowing events to just happen. It is as simple as taking action to show love to yourself and others. The truth of the matter remains--you have to give love to get love. When you pursue actions that are pleasing to yourself and others, you feel happier. Your sense of happiness and fulfillment naturally spreads to your partner, who now is more likely to desire being closer to you and is more willing to demonstrate affection, cooperation, and deeper communication. Although you only can change...