Doing 'Great Things' with checking.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: THE LETTER CLINIC - Column

HIS PREMIUM CHECKING LETTER FROM FIRST NIAGARA (assets: $37 billion, Buffalo, N.Y.) does some "Great Things" selling their Choice Checking account.

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1 The Layout: Using the unique colors of their corporate logo, this letter layout does a great job of moving the readers eye from the Johnson's Box headlines, to the right hand margin callouts, with an arrow bringing the reader down to the P.S. and Call To Action. So if the prospect reads nothing else but those elements, they still get the core of the marketing message.

2 The Johnson's Box: Another nice balance here between the large-type key benefit ($100 Bonus) and the intriguing offer of "instant cash back" at a variety of retailers.

3 The Salutation: They do an "OK" job here, choosing the full name of the prospect--rather than taking the extra step of either just First Name or adding the Mr. prefix.

4 The First Paragraph: The first two, short sentences do a good job of linking their "Do Great Things" marketing theme to the product; but the last two sentences could be combined and slightly reworded to read: "That's why we invite you to open a First Niagara Choice Checking account, which gives you valuable benefits--with several easy ways to avoid service charges."

5 Fresh Perks: This appears to be a nice consumer benefit; but many people will be turned off by the prospect of being bombarded with a series of "offers" from all those retailers. A better choice of wording would be to call them "special deals."

6 Comfortable Wording: Rather than speak in technical bank jargon, the phrasing...