The art of managing conflict: it does no good to run away from disagreement and discord. Confronting conflict head-on will make any organization run smoother.

• Author: Guttman, Howard M.
• Position: Business & Finance

WE ARE NOT comfortable, and, in fact, even fear dealing straight up with conflict. We are taught to run away from it, "turn the other cheek," "let sleeping clogs lie," and that "if you do not have something nice to say, do not say anything at all." So we retreat to the least trying option: looking to third parties for temporary relief.

Fear is a killer of effective conflict management. At home, dysfunctional families sweep internecine disputes under the rug. Friends often let relationships fall by the wayside rather than air their differences,

In business, ineffective managers are "afraid of the consequences of bringing highly charged issues out into the open. They fail to encourage people to speak up, share their opinions. tell it--and to be told--like it is. By their refusal to discuss certain issues, they create an implicit environment that devalues authentic discussion and promotes subterfuge and double-dealing.

When you stop to think about it, there essentially are tour ways in which the players in a conflict-laden situation can deal with it:

* Playing the victim: saying nothing, acting powerless, and complaining. Such behavior clearly is corrosive mid often subversive. It leads to griping and sniping mid tends to drive discord underground. Injured parties can sap the vitality from relationships inward solved issues and support view.

* Flight: physically removing oneself from involvement. Face it; walking away or leaving is always an option. We can turn our backs on our friends, get divorced, or quit our job and head for greener pastures. How many times can we run away, however? It is better to learn how to mediate conflict.

* Change oneself: Move off one's position; shift one's view of the other parry; "let it go." Sometimes, we can change ourselves by changing our perceptions of a situation. For example, you might try to achieve a positive outcome by altering your "story" or interpretation of another person's behavior. Of course, being forced to modify one's story often rankles. Moreover, what happens at those moments of truth, when all the attempts to reframe your perceptions simply do not work? The only option remaining is to confront conflict.

* Confronting: addressing the issue openly, candidly, and objectively; communicating with the other party. This approach is ideal. One executive we know uses a colorful metaphor to illustrate the concept. He likened the tendency to let disagreements fester to having a dead elephant's head in...