Deciding to Come Out to Parents: Toward a Model of Sexual Orientation Disclosure Decisions

• Published date: 01 September 2018
• Author: Erika L. Grafsky
• Date: 01 September 2018
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12313

Deciding to Come Out to Parents: Toward a Model

of Sexual Orientation Disclosure Decisions

ERIKA L. GRAFSKY

The purpose of this study was to conduct research to understand nonheterosexual youths’

decision to disclose their sexual orientation information to their parents. The sample for

this study includes 22 youth between the ages of 14 and 21. Constructivist groun ded theory

guided the qualitative methodology and data analysis. The findings from this study posit

an emerging model of sexual orientation disclosure decisions comprised of four interrelated

factors that influence the decision to disclose or not disclose, as well as a description of the

mechanism through which disclosure either does or does not occur. Clinical implications

and recommendations for further research are provided.

Keywords: Disclosure; LGBT; Parents; Qualitative; Youth

Fam Proc 57:783–799, 2018

BACKGROUND AND SIGNIFICANCE

Disclosure of Sexual Orientation to Family

Research has suggested that family factors play a significant role in health disparities

among sexual minority youth and young adults (Bouris et al., 2010; McConnell,

Birkett, & Mustanski, 2016; Needham & Austin, 2010; Padilla, Crisp, & Rew, 2010;

Rosario, Schrimshaw, & Hunter, 2009; Ryan, Huebner, Diaz, & Sanchez, 2009; Ryan,

Russell, Huebner, Diaz, & Sanchez, 2010; Willoughby, Doty, & Malik, 2010). Rosario,

Hunter, Maguen, Gwadz, and Smith (2001) suggests that the sexual identity developm ent

and integration, or coming out, process influences many adaptation and health related

behaviors of youth, such as self-esteem, psychological functioning, and sexual health and

is, in turn, affected by the stressors and strengths of the youth, their family, and their

community (Rosario et al., 2001). This process is interpersonally challen ging, resulting in

sexual minority youth having to face stressors unlike their straight cou nterparts.

Disclosing to family members is one aspect of the coming out process. Much of the

research on the disclosure to family process is centered on parental reactions and subse-

quent outcomes with less attention given to how youth make their disclosure decis ions

and why they choose to disclose or not disclose. Literature comparing gay, lesbian, and

bisexual identified individuals’ disclosure to family rates and correlates are inconclusive.

While some studies have indicated that bisexual youth disclose later than gay or lesbian

(e.g. Martos, Nezhad, & Meyer, 2015; Pistella, Salvati, Ioverno, Laghi, & Baiocco, 2016),

Human Development, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, VA.

Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Erika L. Grafsky, 840 University City

Boulevard, Suite 1 Blacksburg, VA 24061. E-mail: erikagrafsky@vt.edu.

This project was supported by Award Number R36DA026958 from the National Institute on Drug

Abuse. The content is solely the responsibility of the author and does not necessarily represent the official

views of the National Institute on Drug Abuse or the National Institutes of Health. The author thanks the

participants who shared their experiences for this project, Dr. Julianne Serovich for her mentorship, and

Mary Nedela for assistance in the preparation of this manuscript.

783

Family Process, Vol. 57, No. 3, 2018 ©2017 Family Process Institute

doi: 10.1111/famp.12313

when looking longitudinally and among younger bisexuals, these differences become

insignificant (Maguen, Floyd, Bakeman, & Armistead, 2002; Rosario, Schrimshaw,

Hunter, & Levy-Warren, 2009).

Motivations for disclosing to parents vary, but many youth desire to be close to their

families so that they can lead authentic lives (LaSala, 2010; Savin-Williams, 2001). Dis-

closing sexual orientation information can result in the acquisition of emotional, physical,

and social resources (D’Augelli, Grossman, & Starks, 2005). Disclosing one’s sexual orien-

tation also diminishes the need to hide relationships from friends, family, and coworkers

and can promote more authentic relationships.

Conversely, sharing sexual orientation information with family can provoke feelings of

anxiety (D’Augelli et al., 2005; LaSala, 2010). Sexual minority youth are often afraid of

rejection or fear that the parent–child relationship will be damaged as a result of disclo-

sure (Potoczniak, Crosbie-Burnett, & Saltzburg, 2009; Savin-Williams & Ream, 2003).

Anticipated reactions to disclosure seem to be influenced considerably by social norms and

perceptions such as the media. Reports on youth–parent relations often contribute to

stereotypes of negative consequence as a normal parental response (Savin-Williams &

Ream, 2003).

It is likely that youth who choose not to disclose to parents have reasons for not doing

so (Green, 2000), such as to protect themselves from disclosure-related violence, verbal

harassment, or other negative consequences that have been documented following disclo-

sure to family (D’Amico & Julien, 2012; D’Augelli, Grossman, & Starks, 2008). In fact,

Ryan et al. (2009) found that LGB youth and young adults who reported higher levels of

family rejection during adolescence were also 8.4 times more likely to report having

attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, and 3.4 times

more likely to report illegal drug use and to have engaged in unprotected sexual inter-

course compared with peers from families that reported no or low levels of family rejection.

McConnell et al. (2016) found that youth from families who experience low levels of social

support reported more psychological distress over time, even when controlling for experi-

ences of victimization.

Many parent–child relationships either stay the same or improve after disclosure

(Savin-Williams & Ream, 2003). Current research indicates that there may be both short-

and long-term gains for sexual minority youth to disclose their sexual orientation to fam-

ily, particularly within a family environment of openness and connectedness. Recent

research has documented clear health benefits for adolescents who experience accepting

reactions from their parents as a result of disclosure. In a sample of 245 sexual mino rity

Latino and non-Latino White youths, Ryan et al. (2010) found that that youth who

reported more reactions perceived as accepting were significantly more likely to report

higher self-esteem, social support, good general health, and less depressive symptoms,

substance abuse, and suicidal ideation and attempts.

Researchers have identified many other positive consequences for youth who dis-

close to their parents. For example, studies suggest that adolescents who disclose

experience greater self-esteem, self-acceptance, and comfort with their sexuality, as

well as report less internalized homophobia, fewer current problems in revealing

their sexual orientation to heterosexual friends, more lesbian/gay friends, and

increased family support (D’Augelli, 2002). Youth who report good relationships with

their parents report fewer mental health problems and report that their parents had

more positive reactions to their sexual orientation (D’Augelli, 2002). In another study

of 102 sexual minority adolescents, Darby-Mullins and Murdock (2007) found tha t a

more positive family environment (i.e. less conflict, more cohesion, and more expres-

siveness) was related to decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety. They also

found that parental attitudes toward homosexuality contributed above and beyond

www.FamilyProcess.org

784

/

FAMILY PROCESS