DEAR COLORADOBIZLINE.

• Author: LEWIS, DAVID

What do you get when you cross Dear Abby and Alan Greenspan?

"The crystal ball is always cloudy. It's never clear."

-- Tom Dunn, Colorado Legislative Council chief economist

"For the foreseeable future, Colorado should continue to be one of the top three beer-producing states."

-- Matthew Hine, director of statistical services for the Washington, D.C-based Beer Institute

Some economic pantywaists might hesitate to solve Colorado's business problems, but not me. Ever since Henry Dubroff stepped down as editor of Denver Business Journal, removing his "button-down uniform of a business analyst" (DBJ, April 26, 1999, "Once again, Violence Disrupts Our Lives"), readers have been crying out for print medium economic leadership. Well, here it is.

I do not step into this role with relish. I do so reluctantly. I hate showing off. I despise showing up all those Ph.D. economists. I have used the word "I" six times so far in this paragraph.

But I got to.

Many years ago, I wrote a Q&A column for the Rocky Mountain News. The Action Line concept was simple: My assistant, Karen Bellofatto (who today, basically, runs the News), and I answered any question from any RMN reader in Colorado. (The one exception was a rule Karen promulgated: No Canon City prisoners' porno magazine subscription complaints.)

Life moved on, and I thought I had put Action Line behind me. But lately I've received a series of letters from ColoradoBiz readers asking -- begging, really -- for the benefit of my advice. I solve their problems below:

Dear ColoradoBizLine:

I am a Denver billionaire, but still kind of a regular guy. I dislike publicity, but it seems to me it would be an extension of my important charity work to buy a couple of professional sports teams. That way I could take kids to Nuggets games, and somebody would be buying Nuggets tickets, too. I want to help, but my fear of fame is holding me back. Can you help?

I'll just call myself,

4. Drang

   Dear Drang: The answer to your problem is very simple. Go for it. There's nothing standing in your way, except perhaps a tall, aggressive local politician with a lousy jump shot. You can beat him to the hoop with your eyes shut.

   When the dust clears, you'll be the one holding a trophy with a plaque that reads "Colorado's Most Hated Rich Guy." But that's OK, because you will get a lifetime's education on public relations in a few short months. Don't forget: There's no such thing as bad publicity.

   Dear ColoradoBizLine:

   ...