Daughters‐in‐Law and Mothers‐in‐Law Seeking Their Place Within the Family: A Qualitative Study of Differing Viewpoints

• Published date: 01 December 2006
• Author: Kelly I. Black,Carolyn R. Young,M. Jean Turner
• Date: 01 December 2006
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00428.x

Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law Seeking Their

Place Within the Family: A Qualitative Study of

Differing Viewpoints

M. Jean Turner Carolyn R. Young Kelly I. Black*

Abstract: Within the framework of individual developmental theory and intergenerational ambivalence, we exam-

ined the complex dynamics of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. Using focus group and semi-

structured interview data, we explored mothers-in-law’s and daughters-in-law’s perceptions of ‘‘being part of the

family.’’ The diversity among the perceptions of the unrelated 23 daughters-in-law and 19 mothers-in-law countered

the validity of stereotypes often held about the women in these roles. The women described the ambivalence many

of them felt as they searched for their place in the family. Findings suggest that women of all ages may benefit from

education about this critical relationship and need to develop skills to express themselves to their mothers-in-law/

daughters-in-law to facilitate adequate management of the ambivalence prevalent in this relationship.

Key Words: daughters-in-law, extended family, family relationships in adulthood, in-laws, intergenerational ambiva-

lence, intergenerational relationships, mothers-in-law.

For women, family relationships are tied to their sense

of well-being and quality of life. Theorists (e.g.,

Gilligan, 1982) and researchers (e.g., Baber & Allen,

1992; Fingerman, 2003; Roberto, Allen, & Blieszner,

1999; Willson, Shuey, & Elder, 2003) alike empha-

size the importance of connectedness in women’s

lives. The role of family relationships becomes increas-

ingly important as the life span lengthens and family

size shrinks. The complexity of these relationships

increases as children enter adulthood and build their

own families. A son’s marriage creates perhaps the

most ambivalent and yet one of the most critical rela-

tionships, that of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

(Fischer, 1983, 1986). Usingfocusgroupandsemi-

structured interview data, we examined both mothers-

in-law’s and daughters-in-law’s perceptions of the

quality of this in-law relationship and how it shaped

their struggle to find their place within the family.

Women have been described as the kinkeepers of

family relationships, the bridge between generations

(Fischer, 1983; Willson et al., 2003). Married women

are expected to create bonds and maintain the ties

and traditions of both sides of the family (Bryant,

Conger, & Meehan, 2001; Cotterill, 1994; Fischer;

Willson et al.). Although the mother-daughter bond

remains the central connection between women of

different generations (Fischer; Willson et al.), the

bond between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law

is also critical in kinship management (Fischer). It is

often the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation-

ship that maintains the bridge between the mother

and her son as well as determining the mother-in-

law’s access to her grandchildren. However, the

asymmetry of the relationships between a mother

and daughter and a mother-in-law and daughter-in-

law can lead to increased stress for both generations

of the in-law relationship as each seeks to maintain

close connection to their own family members

(Fischer). On the basis of their findings that women

have significantly more personal contact with their

*M. Jean Turner is Professor of Human Development and Family Sciences at the School of Environmental Sciences, University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, AR 72701

(jturner@uark.edu). Carolyn R. Young is a Psychotherapist at Ascent Counseling, 3256 W 111th Loop Unit C, Westminster, CO 80031 (carolynryoung@comcast.net).

Kelly I. Balck, M.S., 118 HOEC, University of Arkansas, Fayetteville, AR 72701 (kiblack@sbcglobal.net).

Family Relations, 55 (December 2006), 588–600. Blackwell Publishing.

Copyright 2006 by the National Council on Family Relations.