Daring wives: why women cheat.

• Author: Praver, Frances Cohen
• Position: Life in America - Essay

FORTY PERCENT of women cheat, some research suggests. The incidence of female infidelity has more than doubled in the last 36 years. While men still cheat more than women, the gender gap is closing. Just what is happening to the fair sex?

For one thing, women's sexuality has shifted, as have their choices. The changing roles of women have evolved over a rich, historical, and political landscape. Oppressive eras, draconian double standards, artificial ideals, and unrealistically rigid moralities have taken their toll. Women today are saying, "Enough!"

In the sexually repressive 19th century, the vibrator was developed for male doctors to induce orgasm in female patients. I wonder who benefited the most--the physician or his patient? Back then, women had little voice. Feminism finally gave them one, however. The movement awakened women's consciousness of their desires, needs, and intentions. They found their agency and the will to make choices for change. A curtain ushered in a stage of female actors, diverse, yet united, in their desire for recognition, autonomy, equal power, and the right to express their sexuality. Feminism heralded the inextricable bond between the personal and political, and entwinement of individual psychic selves with sociopolitical constructions.

The workplace gave women greater financial independence, along with a better sense of self-worth. Instead of losing themselves in the role of mother and wife, women have found their mole capacious selves. At work, they get respect. Feeling more competent and autonomous, women are less apt to stay in bad marriages. Not all women have the tools to negotiate a good marriage, communicate needs and desires, resolve differences, be good parental role models, work through their inner demons, or make marriage work. Some women, however, do take a step for change in the marriage. They have an affair.

While not a prudent choice, for some, the affair is daring and desperate--a daring catalyst for change and a desperate plea for help. In the sexually permissive 1960s and '70s, women engaged in promiscuous, casual sex. The conservative 1980s and AIDS changed all that. Many women no longer have affairs just for fun, but for fulfillment.

The pop culture shapes us as we shape it. The popular television show "Desperate Housewives" featured a married woman in her late 20s dallying with her teenaged gardener. In the movie "Unfaithful," an older Diane Lane has a fling with a sexy young hunk. In the film "Closer," wives and husbands engage in multiple affairs. Pop culture is full of sensational stories of women who cheat, but what about the real world? What about regular people? Let's take a peak at a few wives I know.

Debra, a stay-at-home mom, appears to have it all--a handsome, successful husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful home on two acres of land. Actually, home sweet home is not so sweet. Humdrum days spent food shopping, cooking, cleaning, and...