Cross-selling insurance.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: THE LETTER CLINIC

THIS LETTER FROM SUNTRUST (INSURANCE SERVICES) to me is cross-selling auto insurance through their provider, Liberty Mutual. The offer is a good one; but could have been presented more effectively.

(1) The Johnson's Box. The area in the upper-right of the one-page letter is important marketing real estate; and could be put to better use. They use my individual (?) "Client Number: 6741" to intrigue me into the body copy. But they would be better served by highlighting a prime consumer benefit, either: "Save up to $327 on your auto insurance"; or "Exclusive 10% auto insurance discount."

(2) Salutation. Rather than simply dumping the whole name field into the salutation to all their customers, they could have done a little file cleanup work and used one of these better choices:

* Dear George Wachtel

* Dear George

* Dear Mr. Wachtel

(3) First Sentence. They correctly pack the prime consumer benefits into the first paragraph; but start out with a missplaced modifier ... when starting with "As a Sun-Trust Bank customer," the subject of the sentence needs to be "you." It would make it correct AND stronger to read: "As a SunTrust Bank customer, you're entitled to an exclusive 10% auto insurance discount that could save you xxxx ..."

(4) Call To Action. Some direct marketing writers believe in putting the Call To Action early in a marketing piece. I do not. I feel you need to fully build your case before asking the prospect to respond; so I would have this sentence moved into the last paragraph. (And would have reminded the reader about their savings potential).

(5) Partner Credentials. Part of the sales process here is to solidify Sun Trusfs insurance partner s credentials, so their customers will feel comfortable doing business with them. They do a good job of presenting the facts; but, rather than ending the paragraph with "we are impressed xxx" I would...