CoverGirl Ellen.

• Author: Clinton, Kate
• Position: Unplugged - Essay

Recently CoverGirl, the beauty industry giant, announced that it was hiring Ellen DeGeneres, beloved daytime talk show host, to be the face of its next advertising campaign. Thankfully it was not the same week as the Lipstick on a Pig Festival.

A vice president of Procter & Gamble, the parent company of CoverGirl, said that while Ms. DeGeneres is an authentic beauty, she appeals to consumers who are "looking not so much for a role model as a woman they can relate to both physically and emotionally."

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Ellen? As in the Ellen who challenged John McCain to walk her down the aisle, flashed her engagement rock, married her partner Portia di Rossi in a big summer wedding, and then shared her wedding album with her ooohing and aaahing audience? She is now a role model women can relate to physically and emotionally?

Let me apply my CG Pinch Me Pink Blusher!

One industry observer said Ellen's "sexual orientation notwithstanding," she is unlikely to alienate CG's demographic of seventeen- to seventy-year-olds. CG must also be hoping for some crossover to the huge makeup-using drag queen market, but most queens use the really high-end stuff that does not parch your skin to a crème brûlée top crackle. Or a shattered glass ceiling. But seventeen to seventy is a huge demographic to be unalienated by lesbian orientation.

Let me apply my CG Shocked and Awed Lashblast Mascara. It helps me not to blink.

What is really happening is that the sale of mass market cosmetics is not withstanding the economic downturn. Sales plunged 6 percent in the first quarter of 2008. Analysts say that in such a climate, brands try to retool themselves to appeal to shoppers who prefer to see not Britney Spears but a glamorously packaged version of themselves. But since when did all the ladies start honoring their inner soft butch? I look forward...