Coach's Corner: Four Steps to Take When People Are Angry at You

• Publication year: 2018
• Author: By Eleanor Southers

Coach's Corner: Four Steps to Take When People are Angry at You

By Eleanor Southers

Eleanor Southers, owner of Professional Legal Coaching, coaches attorneys across the US at all stages of their development who want greater success and fulfillment in their careers. She is the author of Be A Better Lawyer (ABA 2014) and is an American Bar Foundation Fellow.

You might consider a few therapy sessions if these simple suggestions don't work for you. Because, let's face it....you can't be a successful, happy attorney unless you can handle negativity. Solos have it even worse because they frequently don't have anyone to "vent" or discuss the turmoil in their practices.

Anyway, let me give you a couple of ideas that might help or at least "band-aid" your angst.

First, remember that none of this is PERSONAL. It is not about YOU. Most of the people who give you a tough time are doing it for reasons that have nothing to do with reality. It is about how they are choosing to handle the situation. Also, let's face the fact that some people have anger as their go to means of confronting a challenge. Sometimes by acknowledging this you can deescalate the situation. A simple feeding back something like "I understand your frustration and feelings about this situation" may help. Careful not to just tell them that you can "see they are angry". That may seem belittling and increase their anger. Also you can try active listening which entails repeating what you have heard them saying about the situation. Again, however you need to preface this with, "Let me be sure I am understanding you"... so they don't feel you are just patronizing them.

Second, after assessing the situation to see if there are things you can learn from it, see if there is any action you can take. Action means that you are tackling the problem, not letting it rest.

Now many times, action is not appropriate. In these cases, such as when a...