What a mess! clutter can drag you down physically and emotionally. weed it out, now to create more time and energy for your priorities.

• Author: Tako, Barbara
• Position: Lifestyles

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THE NEED TO ORGANIZE always is there, but seems especially pervasive this time of year With the back-to-school rush at full throttle and the lax office hours of summer now just a fond memory, many treat the coming of Labor Day as a sort of quasi New Year's--and resolve to make their surroundings less of a mess. However. there is the common lament:

"Getting rid of clutter and organizing my home would be great, but I am not the only one at home, and I cannot do it all by myself." This frustration is expressed over and over again by people I talk to about simple living. They do not want to trade in their family (most days). They just want a little more help around the house. To complicate matters, everyone's organizational style and notion of what constitutes adequately "organized" is a little different. Moreover, it is hard to receive understanding, support, and help from a busy spouse or children who may not even be aware of your frustrations.

While I do not have all the answers, I do have some thoughts and suggestions based on my own learning experiences, what I have picked up from people in my classes, and a variety of books that have proven very helpful.

First, let's talk about spouses. Sometimes he is the "Oscar" and she is the "Felix" (as in the untidy and tidy roommates from "The Odd Couple"). Sometimes it is the other way around. It really does not matter who is who--just the differences in how people living together under the same roof do things can create tensions.

For starters, model the behavior changes you are hoping for. This may take years but sometimes it will help. Of nothing else, at least it will fix half of the problem.) For instance, perhaps dropping clothing on the bedroom floor is a source of tension. Watching you hop out of bed in the morning without having to step on last night's clothing may make a clear floor begin to look good to your spouse.

Express clutter concerns as your problem, not his or hers. Explain how your partner's clutter impairs your ability to perform a function for the family. For example, maybe it is hard to get dinner on the table if it already is full of other things. Saying, "Honey, it's tough for me to set the table for dinner when everyone's stuff is already there" might work better than yelling. (Actually, yelling works, too, but then I always have to apologize afterwards.)

It also is best when decluttering to ask first; get permission to touch others' stuff and move it to an agreed upon location. If you have a family member who comes home and dumps his things on the kitchen counter or table, it can be frustrating for both of you: there is no kitchen space to work on dinner and he subsequently cannot find what he wants because it has been moved.

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Make specific requests when you ask for help. Maybe your partner is willing to be of assistance, but does not "see" a task like cleaning the kitchen the same way you do. When he does step up, he diligently may...