Clintongue.

• Author: Hazlett, Thomas W.

A lot of ingrates are whining about the fiscal policies of our new president, but not me. I've never done so well. Prior to his inaugural, I doubt if I would have been categorized as "super-rich," even by the widest definition. But with Mr. Clinton's new tax plan, overlaid on his campaign pledge to raise taxes only for the highest-income Americans, I easily qualify for fat-cat status. That's upward mobility in Mr. Clinton's America.

During Campaign Mode, entree to the elite circle of "the wealthiest Americans" required proof of $200,000 in earnings per annum. Then the Clintonites assumed office. Now taxes will go up only for Americans making more than $30,000 in "economic income." As opposed to what human beings think of as income (i.e., cash), Mr. Clinton's definition quietly includes fringe benefits, such as employer-paid health insurance, and the implicit yield from owned assets (like the rent you could charge for your house if you vacated it--which, given the portentous tidal wave of taxes, you may have to). This accounting bonus adds up to about a third of your "economic income."

All of which allows us to calibrate a CCF (Clinton Credibility Factor): 20,000 to 200,000, or 1 to 10. Approximately 10 percent of what Bill Clinton tells you will actually be true, if present trends continue.

Clintongue is an American dialect reminiscent of the distinctive twang of high school debate competition. Here, skilled tacticians concentrate not on convincing open minds that scrutinize arguments but on overwhelming the opposition with a torrent of alleged facts (debating "points") cutely connected and summed via rhetorical flair. In this Advanced Newspeak for Fast-Talking Experts the Clinton-Carvillites excel by virtue of a pathetically weak field. The press isn't paying much attention to the substance of Clintonomics, the Republicans are brain dead, and Ross Perot is just happy to be on national TV without having to answer for Adm. Stockdale.

So it is in the budget debate. President Clinton's budget was pure, unadulterated VDTS (Vintage Democrat Tax & Spend). Clinton had to bust the notorious 1990 budget deal in order to free up spending for his so-called $473-billion, five-year deficit reduction. (He had grandly announced $704 billion in "savings," but this was pared by 30 percent as soon as someone at the White House found a calculator with an active Duracell in it--the CBO can still find only $406 billion, incidentally.) If you're totally...