Chapter 18 Child Support and Alimony: What Might I Pay or Receive?

• Library: Divorce & Money (Nolo) (2020 Ed.)

CHAPTER 18: Child Support and Alimony: What Might I Pay or Receive?

Child Support—Legal, Financial, and Emotional Realities

Legal Realities

Financial Realities

Emotional Realities

Steps to a Settlement

Who Will Have Custody of the Children?

What Does It Cost to Rear Your Children?

Health Insurance Coverage

How Much Child Support Do You Need—Or Can You Afford to Pay?

What Are the Guidelines for Child Support in Your State?

Methods of Computing Child Support

Payment Practicalities

What Is Your Bottom-Line Decision Regarding Custody and Child Support?

Alimony—Legal, Financial, and Emotional Realities

Legal Realities

Financial Realities

Emotional Realities

Steps to a Settlement

How Much Do You Need to Live On?

What, If Any, Are the Financial Schedules for Alimony in Your Area?

How Much Alimony Do You Need—Or Can You Afford to Pay?

Are There Alternatives to Paying or Receiving Monthly Alimony?

What Is Your Bottom-Line Decision on Paying or Receiving Alimony?.....416

Questions to Ask an Attorney

Child support and alimony payments can be the most hotly contested issues in a divorce. These payments are often necessary when the money that used to support a single household must stretch to support two.

Unemployment checks and insurance claims can help a couple survive the loss of a job or damage to a house. But who pays the bill when the financial disaster of divorce strikes?

Somehow, household expenses must be paid. Someone must come up with the "alimonia"—a Latin word for "food" or "support." Today, the word is alimony, although it is increasingly called spousal support, spousal maintenance, or rehabilitative support. The names differ depending on where you live, but the impact seems to be universal: The payer feels the amount is far too much, while the recipient knows it's not enough.

Both parties may be right.

Breaking one household into two costs more than anyone thinks it will. Besides doubling the basics—mortgage or rent, utilities, and phone bills—divorcing couples must admit that the choices they made as a couple may no longer be realistic. A wife who left her job to care for the children cannot retrace her steps and cover the ground she lost when she dropped out of the workforce. A husband who refused a transfer so his wife could pursue her entrepreneurial ambitions may be stuck in a dead-end job that he can't leave without jeopardizing his pension. When you are "fired" from the job of husband or wife, no one offers you an unemployment check. Is it any wonder, then, that alimony often becomes a major battleground in divorce?

If you have children, the struggle to make ends meet can be even more draining. Whether you will pay or receive child support, you'll need to know what it costs. But how can parents put a price tag on their children?

They can't and don't. It's therefore not surprising that the custodial parent (recipient) never feels the support payment is enough and the noncustodial parent (payer) feels hounded for increased support.

This chapter first takes you through the legal, financial, and emotional realities of alimony and child support, and then outlines your steps to a settlement.

SKIP AHEAD

If you have no children, skip ahead to the section on alimony.

Protect Your Parental Rights

Before making any legal moves that affect your children, make sure you are informed about your rights as a parent. Ask an attorney about what can happen when custody is disputed. Make sure you know when and where all hearings or mediation sessions will take place. Better to ask too many questions than to lose time with your children because you misunderstood the consequences of your actions. Further, because the court will examine your custody arrangements, be prepared for any stunt your spouse may try to pull in the courtroom. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security because of informal agreements you've made with your spouse. And never move out of the family residence without a written agreement about custody. For more about parenting and custody rights, see Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce, by Emily Doskow.

Child Support—Legal, Financial, and Emotional Realities

Children, unfortunately, are frequently the emotional pawns of divorce. Parents express their resentments about their mates by degrading the other parent in front of the children and by fighting over custody and child support issues. We urge you not to do this. Fighting scares the children and makes them feel guilty. It also wastes time, money, and resources that could have been spent more positively on your children.

As difficult as it sounds, try to keep your emotions in check. This doesn't mean you should hide your feelings about your divorce from your children. It does mean that you should not take your anger out on your kids. Instead, try to include them in the process in constructive ways. By maintaining a healthy emotional attitude, you will be better equipped to deal with the legal and financial realities of child support.

Legal Realities

All parents have an obligation to support their children, no matter what the status of their adult relationships may be. Suppose one parent has primary custody, traditionally called "physical custody," and the other has secondary custody, or "visitation rights." (See "Legal Language Alert: Custody by Any Other Name ...," below.) The parent with less custody time is usually ordered to pay some child support to the custodial parent. It is assumed that the custodial parent is supporting the children by providing their day-to-day care. For parents with joint physical custody, the support obligation of each is based on a number of factors, such as the ratio of each parent's income to their combined incomes, the percentage of time the child spends with each parent, and who pays necessary expenses for the child.

While divorcing spouses are permitted to decide virtually all the terms of their divorce without court intervention, the court will insist on examining the child support arrangements. If the judge approves of the arrangement, the court will include it in the judgment. Some of the factors evaluated by courts in setting child support include:

• the needs of the child
• each parent's ability to earn and pay support, and
• the amount of time the child spends with each parent.

Legal Language Alert: Custody by Any Other Name ...

Traditionally, terms such as "custodial parent" or "noncustodial parent" have been used by courts and among people in general when talking about parent-child relationships after a divorce. In light of changing family patterns, however, courts are beginning to recognize shared parenting styles and other such arrangements. Legal language is therefore changing, and terms such as "primary custody," "secondary custody," and "parenting time" are being used. For the time being, however, we will continue to refer to "custodial" or "noncustodial" parents.

Unfortunately, some noncustodial parents disregard their child support obligations: They may skip a month, pay late, pay too little, or just stop paying altogether. Society has become less tolerant of these "deadbeat" parents. In recent years, state and federal legislatures have passed laws aimed at helping families establish and enforce support orders.

The consequences for the failure to pay child support can be very serious. States have different enforcement tools at their disposal, but the following are some of the most common:

• Wage Deductions—child support is taken directly out of the parent's wages.
• Federal Income Tax Intercepts—the state can intercept a parent's tax refund.
• License Suspension—the state can suspend or revoke driver's licenses and professional licenses.
• Passport Restrictions—the U.S. Department of State can deny passport renewals.
• Liens—courts can issue liens on property to cover child support.
• Civil warrants and jail time—a state court can issue a civil warrant for arrest and order jail time if the noncustodial parent is found in contempt of court for disobeying the child support order.

In addition, if state or federal prosecutors get involved in a child support case, they can issue criminal warrants. These and other enforcement methods will be discussed in more detail further along in this chapter, under "Dealing With Unpaid Child Support."

Financial Realities

Any legal award of child support is probably going to be less than the actual amount necessary to meet the needs of growing children, meaning that you will have to devise strategies for finding the rest of the money you need to live on.

Even if you receive an adequate child support award, financial reality demands that you recognize the possibility that your spouse won't pay. If you are the recipient, what will you do when the check does not arrive or comes late? And if you are the payer, what happens when your paycheck is suddenly garnished—or worse, you are threatened with jail for noncompliance? Don't dwell on these negative questions, but at least confront them for your children's sake.

Also keep in mind two new, but sad, trends emerging from the financial realities of divorce. Some parents have reached the painful conclusion that they cannot retain custody of their children because they do not have the resources to support them. At the same time, other parents are fighting for joint custody so they can pay less child support. To avoid these situations, you must squarely face the true costs generated by children and prepare your strongest position for negotiating your settlement and protecting the interests of your children.

Emotional Realities

Your children's experience of your divorce can have a major effect on your emotional state, but the most important thing is that you make sure that your emotional state doesn't affect your children's experience. On all issues concerning your children—child support, custody, and visitation—you and your mate need to stay focused on what's best for your children.

Be aware of your own behavior, and don't get...