Chapter 15 After the Divorce

• Library: Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce (Nolo) (2020 Ed.)

CHAPTER 15 After the Divorce

You're Not Done Yet: Ten Postdivorce Tasks You Can't Ignore

1. Read the Court Order and Fix Any Mistakes

2. Get Certified Copies of Your Divorce Order

3. Make New Deeds for Real Estate

4. Transfer Your Personal Items and Cars

5. Update Insurance Coverage and Beneficiaries

6. Update Other Beneficiary Designations and Your W-4

7. Protect Your Retirement Rights

8. Update Your Will, Trust, and Power of Attorney

9. Confirm That All Bank and Credit Accounts Are Separated

10. Follow Up on Any Name Change

The Kid Connection

Child Custody and Visitation

Moving Away

If You're Not Getting Support Checks

Modifying Child Support

Helping Your Kids Deal With Divorce After the Fact

Modifying Spousal Support

Your Right to Social Security

Dating and New Relationships

Hope Springs Eternal: Remarriage

Spousal Support

Prenuptial Agreements

Your New Spouse and Your Kids

Getting Help and Helping Yourself.

Be Prepared for the Final Split

Get the Help You Need (or Want)

Learn to Take Care of Yourself

What does it mean to get a final divorce order (also called a "judgment" or "decree")? For starters, it means you have a piece of paper that says you are no longer legally married. Next, it means there are a bunch of details to attend to right away to make sure that your new marital status is reflected in all of your important paperwork and that you've done everything that's required by your final order. Finally, it means you need to know what to do if something goes wrong with the arrangements for custody, support, and property that you carefully hammered out during the divorce process. This chapter deals with all of those issues and a few more, too.

You're Not Done Yet: Ten Postdivorce Tasks You Can't Ignore

Remember how you had to list and divide all of your assets and debts in the course of your divorce? Well, splitting those assets and debts involves paperwork, and this is the time to make absolutely sure that all of that paperwork is in order, all transfers have been accomplished, and all of your ownership documents have been changed to reflect that you are no longer married (and to reflect your new name if you've changed it). There are some other things you should take care of, too, including updating your will, insurance coverages, and beneficiary designations.

1. Read the Court Order and Fix Any Mistakes

When the dust settles and you have a copy of your divorce order and your settlement agreement, take some time and review the entire court order to make sure that it says what you expected and that you understand all of it. Then go through it again, along with this chapter, to make sure you've taken care of everything and can go confidently into your new single life.

What should you do if you find a mistake in the order? If the problem is merely a typographical error that doesn't change the meaning of any of the terms, it's probably best to just leave it alone, no matter how much of a stickler you are for accuracy. But if a provision was left out, something was included that you didn't agree to, or an agreement you did make is stated incorrectly, you need to take immediate action. If someone else prepared the order (like a lawyer or mediator), contact that person first. If your divorce was uncontested, contact your former spouse and see whether you're in agreement about the error. If so, you can ask the court together to remedy the mistake, by submitting an amended order along with a letter signed by both of you asking for the change. If you had a lawyer in the divorce, your lawyer can do this. If your ex-spouse doesn't agree that there's a mistake, consult an attorney about your next step. Amending a final order against the wishes of another party is a tricky business, and you'll need help.

Assuming your review of the final documents doesn't raise any red flags, it's time to take care of business.

2. Get Certified Copies of Your Divorce Order

When you finalize your divorce, you'll end up with a copy of the order that the judge signed saying that you are no longer married and ordering you and your spouse to comply with the terms of your marital settlement agreement. The order will be stamped with the date that it was filed in the court. Most likely, you'll get this date-stamped order in the mail.

You'll need a couple of "certified" copies of your divorce order—they'll probably be required when you ask an insurance plan administrator, a banker, or a real estate agent to do something that's required by the order. Certification is the official seal of approval from the clerk that shows the document is an accurate, official copy of what the judge signed. If you have a lawyer, the lawyer will take care of getting certified copies for you. If you're on your own, take your stamped copies to the court clerk and ask for certified copies. You'll know the difference because the certified copies will have a special seal on them with the court clerk's signature, which may even be embossed (raised). You'll have to pay a fee for the certification.

3. Make New Deeds for Real Estate

If one of you stayed in the family home and bought out the other, you may have already done the paperwork to transfer the house to the one who's keeping it—possibly as part of the refinancing process. But if you haven't transferred the property formally yet, now is the time to do it. (Remember, there are no tax consequences to a real estate transfer if it's related to a divorce, so it's important that you make the transfer soon after the divorce. See Chapter 10.)

If you had a divorce lawyer, the lawyer may have taken care of any required deeds, but double-check to be sure. You need to know where the deed is, anyway, so put your hands on it and make sure the property is in one spouse's name alone. If it's not, you can either ask your lawyer to prepare a deed or do it yourself. Either way, you first need to find out—from your lawyer or through one of the resources listed below—what type of deed you need. Most likely it will be an "interspousal deed," "quitclaim deed" or "grant deed." You can get a deed form online, from an office supply store, or from a title company. (Wherever you get it, make sure it meets the requirements of your state—every state has its own rules on what deeds must contain and how they must be executed.) On the form, enter your property's legal description and the appropriate names, sign the form in front of a notary, and record (file) it at the land records office in the county where the property is located. This last action is especially important and easy to forget.

RESOURCE

Learn more about deeds. Most of the divorce websites listed in Chapter 16 have some basic information on deeds for transferring real estate after divorce. In addition, the following resources can help you with preparing real estate transfer documents:

The websites www.usdeeds.com and www.deedclaim.com offer deed preparation and other assistance with property transfers for a fee.

For the answers to basic questions, check out Nolo's website at www.nolo.com for FAQs on deeds.

4. Transfer Your Personal Items and Cars

Make sure that all of the vehicles you owned together are transferred into the name of the right person. You can usually do this by getting forms from your state department of motor vehicles. Forms are often available online for downloading. The person giving up ownership will need to sign. Then either send or take them in to be processed at the DMV. If you have a car loan, you'll also have to make sure that the spouse who's giving up the car is no longer responsible for that loan. The best way to do that is for the person keeping the car to get a new loan.

If there's stuff in your basement that your spouse is supposed to take, send a gentle reminder that you'd like it gone. Even though it might seem like there's no harm in storing some of your spouse's things, it's a good idea to complete all the terms of the divorce order soon after it's entered. It avoids confusion about what belongs to whom, and it can help you get a sense of closure.

5. Update Insurance Coverage and Beneficiaries

Insurance policies are easy to neglect, but it's important that you review all of your insurance and get it in order. If one insurance agent helps you with all your coverage, schedule a meeting to go over everything. Try to gather as much information as you can, and avoid buying new products right away, except the life and disability insurance that you should have if you'll be paying support. Insurance agents are salespeople first, so maintain a "buyer beware" attitude.

Health insurance. Chapter 11 describes in detail how to use the federal law called COBRA if you're staying on your former spouse's health insurance plan. There are very strict time limits for signing up for continued coverage, so if you've been putting this off, find your paperwork and get it taken care of right away. Verify that the plan administrator has been notified of COBRA election by a nonemployee spouse. Check into your options under the Affordable Care Act as well.

Life or disability insurance. If you own life insurance, you may want to change the beneficiary from your former spouse to someone else. Even if you don't want to make this change, you still have to fill out new forms. That's because in many states, the original designation is automatically revoked by the divorce. So if you want your ex-spouse to get the benefits because he or she would be raising the kids alone in the event of your death, you'll need to fill out a new beneficiary designation form after the divorce is final to make it clear that you still want your ex to be the beneficiary.

If your spouse agreed, as part of your divorce negotiation, to buy or keep life or disability insurance with you or your kids as the beneficiaries, follow up. Your marital settlement agreement should say that you are entitled to get information about the policy. Your postdivorce task, then, is to follow up...