Celery seeds and slot machines.

• Author: Peters, Charles
• Position: Tilting at Windmills

The ranks of Washington lobbyists include some of the world's greatest confidence men. Everyone knows that these fellows have to con congressmen and bureaucrats, but what is less well known is that they have to con their client as well. This means keeping the client in a constant state of panic about plots being hatched, for instance, against the Celery Seed Producers Association, or whatever the client is--"Bulletin to Celery Seeders: We have just learned a bill is being proposed to ban our seeds. To stop it we need your help now. Please FedEx check today."

I wouldn't dream of calling Tom DeLay's former assistant, Jack Abramoff...