Caring for parents who live at a distance.

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Caring for an aging parent is difficult under any circumstances, but it is especially challenging, stressful, and costly for children whose mothers and/or fathers live at a distance. According to the National Council on Aging, nearly 7,000,000 Americans care for older relatives or friends who live more than an hour's drive away. (In fact, a large percentage must travel at least 300 miles to reach their aging relations.) A study by the Metlife Mature Market Institute found that these caregivers spend an average of $392 a month out of their own pocket.

Here are several tips from the Financial Planning Institute, Denver, Colo., for how to bridge the distance successfully at a reasonable cost.

Look for early signs. Aging parents in need of help at home commonly reveal signs in advance of a full-blown crisis--if their family and friends are alert to them. It may be physical (falls at home or worsening arthritis), mental (failing memory or garbled communication), unusual behavior (slovenly personal care or changes in personality), or financial mismanagement (unpaid bills or falling for financial scams).

Plan ahead. Put plans in place before a crisis arises that forces you to take rushed actions. Assess financial resources, clarify health care and transportation options, and make sure important legal documents--such as powers of attorney and living wills--are in place and you know where they are located.

Include the family. Hold a meeting with your parents and siblings or other close loved ones. Discuss what the parents can and cannot do independently. Make plans and decide who will carry them out. Will one person, for example, be in charge of seeing that the right assistance is provided, while another offers financial support?

Identify the public and private agencies that can provide assistance. Start with the local agency on aging. They can give initial assessment help and list...

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