Donald J. Trump didn't just perplex the pundits, pollsters, and his own progeny with a stunning electoral pummeling of Hillary Clinton, he pelted them with showbiz shock and awe. It was a wake-up call that surely rolled Beethoven, who was deaf, and is now dead. The new shot heard round the world.
All over the planet, liberals are slashing wrists, gnashing teeth, and curling up in a fetal position crying out for their blue blanky. They're working through the five stages of grief but it's going to take a while, because right now they're stuck on denial.
The streets of Hollywood are flooded with the salty tears of distraught baby movie stars who don't know whether to follow through on their threat to move to Canada or pay someone to do it for them. It's mourning in America.
So many depressed lefties looked into leaving the country that the Canadian immigration website crashed. Chances are the Canadians will be forced to actually build that wall to control our immigration.
MSNBC's anchors reacted like they were told their children had been burned beyond recognition in a meth lab explosion. But it wasn't all doom and gloom. Over at Fox News, they were bouncing up and down in their chairs like third-graders on Santa's lap. Most of the chairs appeared to have been soiled.
The President-elect received congratulatory calls from Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, David Duke, Jean-Marie Le Pen, Nigel Farage, and the ghost of Caligula. Meanwhile, Democrats clung to the faint hope that he'll be better than feared: "No way he's going to be another Hitler. Mussolini, maybe."
But in America, we are famous for making lemonade out of lemons. How about looking at the possible positives of Donald J. Trump becoming our forty-fifth President? Here's a few to buck up your spirits:
* Congressional Medal of Honor winner Rudy Giuliani.
* The Alec Baldwin Full Employment Act.
* Trump supporters once again have other uses for that collection of white sheets gathering dust in the back of the closet.
* For the...