"Your Boss Is Not Your Mother: Creating Autonomy, Respect and Success at Work."

• Author: Holtzman, Henry

Ever thought the boss was acting like a 2-year-old? Maybe he was, according to a new business book, and here's how to cope with his tantrums.

If the people you work for (and with) sometimes act like kids, there's a perfectly logical explanation. According to DesRoches, a family therapist and business consultant, everything we've learned about dealing with people during times of stress we learned as youngsters in our families.

He comments:

"When we have trouble at work, it's often because we find ourselves in crucial situations feeling - and often acting and talking - like 8-year-olds relating to overbearing fathers, guilt-tripping mothers, teasing brothers or competitive sisters. The problem is that we aren't 8 anymore, and the people we encounter at work are not our fathers, mothers and siblings. The strategies we used as children are no longer appropriate, useful, effective or healthy."

DesRoches' point is that work is a breeding ground for stress, and that the more stressful conditions become, the more likely we are to fall back on coping skills we learned as children. That's when the problems begin.

DesRoches offers examples of behavior patterns that were successful for us as kids, but may actually be counterproductive in a work setting. He believes that once we recognize these patterns, we can break ourselves of the poor work habits that are the inevitable result. He isolates the seven primary behavior reactions that he calls "Seven Red Flags." These are: repeating actions and conflicts; blaming or obsessing about others; feelings of anxiety; fear, anger or confusion; feeling limited or one-dimensional; concern that everyone is manipulating you; and being thrown off-balance by change.

A broad variety of personality behaviors are also identified by DesRoches, so you can identify how the people around you are dealing with their problems through you. You'll likely recognize many of the personalities he presents, including your own.

Refreshingly, about half the book is devoted to changing your emotional reactions to the stress of interpersonal relationships in the workplace. The author avoids the pitfalls...