Book Review: The Conflict Paradox: Seven Dilemmas at the Core of Disputes by Bernie Mayer

• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12234
• Author: Kelly Browe Olson
• Published date: 01 July 2016
• Date: 01 July 2016

BOOK REVIEW: THE CONFLICT PARADOX: SEVEN DILEMMAS AT

THE CORE OF DISPUTES BY BERNIE MAYER

Kelly Browe Olson

Bernie Mayer’s latest book is an excellent journey into seven key dilemmas in conflict. Mayer devotes a chapter to each of the

following dilemmas: Competition and Cooperation, Optimism and Realism, Avoidance and Engagement, Principle and Com-

promise, Emotions and Logic, Impartiality and Advocacy, and Autonomy and Community. In this review, I suggest that the

book is a thorough guide through seemingly diverse and opposing conflict theories. I go through each chapter and detail how

Mayer sees these concepts as interwoven instead of oppositional. He walks his readers through what have been thought of as

distinctive, even opposing, approaches, theories, and concepts of conflict. The review uses points and quotes from all seven

dilemmas to show the depth of Mayer’s analysis and the numerous benefits to theorists and practitioners of reading and reread-

ing his book.

Key Points for the Family Court Community:

This review summarizes Bernie Mayer’s book exploring seven key dilemmas.

Keywords: Advocacy; Balance; Conflict; Dilemma; Negotiation; Neutrality; and Paradox.

[T]o act with certainty while being aware of our doubts, to be committed to our principles and aware of

their limitations, to act with the intellectual clarity that only our emotions can achieve, and to be commit-

ted to the community of change while we maintain our autonomy of doubt ... requires that we increase

our ability to embrace paradox.

1

The quotation above is from the last page of The Conflict Paradox, Bernie Mayer’s latest compre-

hensive trek deep into the heart of conflict. Mayer says his goal for the book is to increase our

capacity to embrace paradox. This book is an excellent, thorough guide through seemingly diverse

and opposing conflict theories. It encourages new examination of the interdependent relationships

between these theories. As all talented guides do, he tells stories and points out many connections

along the way to help his readers more easily make previously unseen connections. While the jour-

ney, like the quote, is complex, we could not be in better hands.

I highly recommend this book to conflict intervenors, experts, and disputants who struggle to

define the parameters of their conflicts, or to anyone who wants to think more deeply about conflict.

This book will join his others as an important ongoing resource.

Mayer devotes a chapter to each of the following dilemmas: Competition and Cooperation, Opti-

mism and Realism, Avoidance and Engagement, Principle and Compromise, Emotions and Logic,

Impartiality and Advocacy, and Autonomy and Community.

2

In each chapter he discusses the

essence of these concepts and how intervenors and disputants err when they treat these concepts as

opposites or at least diverging paths. In all seven dilemmas, he walks his readers through what have

been thought of as distinctive, even opposing, approaches, theories, and concepts of conflict.

Mayer does much more than describe the dilemmas. He presents research on each concept, uses

case study examples of conflicts where the concepts exist, and offers helpful tools from his own

experiences where a dilemma seemed to be derailing a resolution. As Mayer states in the preface,

this book is more personal than his previous work. In each chapter, he includes helpful examples

from past family, interpersonal, organizational, employment, or other type of conflicts. These are

Correspondence: kbolson@ualr.edu

FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 54 No. 3, July 2016 530–534

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C2016 Association of Family and Conciliation Courts