Best of business 2013.

• Author: Kinder, Peri

As 2013 wanes, it's fun (for me) to recap some of the people and stories that made headlines in our great and sometimes dysfunctional state. With fire-throwing beauty queens, the DABC's ongoing antics and residents still mourning Mitt Romney's presidential loss, there's no end of topics to choose from. But I've whittled the list down to a few deserving candidates.

Remember, these opinions are my own, and are in no way meant to demonstrate accuracy or truth.

Best Scandal No One Understands

With a cast of quirky characters worthy of a Broadway musical, The Ballad of John Swallow has played out in the news for months ... and months ... and months. Swallow, Utah's much-maligned attorney general, faces a boatload of accusations ranging from eating at Krispy Kreme to squatting on a luxurious houseboat. A local newspaper even printed a handy-dandy scandal guide of The Swallow Saga for those who want to follow along at home.

From what I understand (not much), Swallow allegedly got payback on a bribe he helped arrange involving an assortment of politicians and businessmen. He possibly asked for payoffs from various people who might be criminals, finagled a $1.5 million cabin and ordered a really expensive meal at Mimi's Cafe. And I think he was the ghostwriter for a book by former attorney general Mark Shurtleff.

A bajillion investigations are ongoing to determine if Swallow & Co. broke state laws, violated election laws, breached ethics rules, failed to disclose a variety of benefits and defied the law of gravity.

In a strong showing of self-support, Swallow denies any wrong-doing with the paraphrased statement, "Nobody can prove anything because I wore an invisibility cloak at the time."

Most Utahns are surprised the AG is still in office, and the Utah House authorized an investigative committee to start impeachment proceedings for the misunderstood Swallow, which should cost taxpayers millions of dollars. Basically, politics as usual.

Best Way to Google Yourself

In an April announcement that devastated all Utah cities invested in the UTOPIA high-speed network, Google proclaimed its intention to purchase the fiber-optic headache iProvo. Many people in Utah hoped Google would buy the entire city of Provo and relocate it to Thailand (think of the missionary opportunities!) but instead, the multi-universal internet company just bought the fiber-optic network.

In an interesting twist on a "purchase," Provo City will pay Google Fiber nearly $3 million to join the ranks of metropolis kings Kansas City, Kan. and Mo., and Austin, Texas. These three cities were plucked out of obscurity to receive the Google Fiber system.

Some might ask why.

According to made-up source...