At both ends of the candle.

AuthorPuterbaugh, Dolores T.
PositionPsychology - On experiencing burn out - Column

I HAVE AN ENTIRELY unscientific theory, except in terms of undocumented grounded research here in the trenches of psychotherapy and life: I would propose that a sizable amount of unhappiness in our personal life is caused by burnout. As a psychological construct, burnout refers to the aftermath of doing too much, too intensely, for too long, usually in some sort of giving capacity. The honorable cop who has grown weary and cynical; the pastor who cringes when he sees the list of troubled families to parade in for advice; the psychotherapist who has begun to wonder if any clients ever will follow through on homework or if it is all for naught, all are suffering burnout.

Of course, burnout is not something exclusive to the helping and first-responder professions. The harried mom who constantly is tapped by committees at school and church--the one who wants to hurl something heavy at the next chirpy voice that says, "I know you're busy but, you know what they say: if you want something done, ask a busy person ...--also is able to burn out, as is the scout leader, coach, and hospital volunteer.

Burnout hurts the quality of work and the burned-out person. The well of compassion has run dry; energy is flat; resentment is simmering. Symptoms of depression arise: loss of interest in things that used to be fun; social withdrawal; irritability. Recognizing burnout requires introspection. As our culture discourages this, victims of burnout fail to identify themselves as experiencing burnout. Instead, lacking or evading the self-awareness that would reveal the problem and guide the way to a solution, the typical response is to externalize the problem: it is not me; it is you.

Directing our unhappiness outward, we seek the source. I am unhappy. Someone or something is making me unhappy. There you are, hands on hips, complaining about the credit card account, or the kids' messes, or the report that was due at 3 p.m. yesterday. I would be happy, or at least less miserable, if not for you and that darned scowl. So, it is your fault I am miserable. It must be.

Some television shrink said something about setting healthy boundaries and, without bothering to investigate, or doing all of my investigating on unprofessional websites, my next step is to set up firmer boundaries between me and the supposed source(s) of my misery. In burnout, of course, the things that are deep and precious and true--our loved ones, faith, or dearest friends--are precisely the...

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