Applying the Strategies of International Peacebuilding to Family Conflicts: What Those Involved in Family Disputes Can Learn from the Efforts of Peacebuilders Working to Transform War‐Torn Societies

• Date: 01 July 2015
• Author: Guy Burgess,Heidi Burgess
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12166
• Published date: 01 July 2015

APPLYING THE STRATEGIES OF INTERNATIONAL

PEACEBUILDING TO FAMILY CONFLICTS: WHAT THOSE

INVOLVED IN FAMILY DISPUTES CAN LEARN FROM THE EFFORTS

OF PEACEBUILDERS WORKING TO TRANSFORM WAR-TORN

SOCIETIES

Heidi Burgess and Guy Burgess

Intractable international conflicts and difficult or intractable family conflicts have much in common. Relationships are damaged

or destroyed, escalation causes parties to become polarized and make bad decisions, communication is strained or nonexistent,

and competition and coercion take the place of collaboration. Similarities also exist in the realm of solutions, and those caught

in (or intervening in) difficult family conflicts can learn much from the strategies and tactics of international peacebuilders.

This article describes eight steps that peacebuilders at both the family level and the international level can take to make very

damaging conflicts more constructive.

Key Points for the Family Court Community:

Limiting escalation is important in both contexts.

Preventing or correcting misunderstandings is key to resolution in both contexts as well.

Be sure you are focusing on the real problem(s).

Get the facts straight (and agreed upon) before making agreements.

Healing past wrongs is important for long term stability.

Working both within and beyond the zone of possible agreement (ZOPA) is essential in both contexts.

Working to improve relationships helps all parties and improves the outcome.

Keywords: Peacebuilding; De-escalation; Misunderstandings; Fact-finding; Unrightable Wrongs; Zone of Possible

Agreement (ZOPA); Relationships

INTRODUCTION

Fractals are those spectacular, mathematicallygenerated graphics that have the peculiar property

of repeating the same pattern no matter how far one zooms in or out. Somewhat surprisingly, the

many conflict processes that characterize human society exhibit fractal-like properties with similar

destructive dynamics playing out at all levels of society—from the interpersonal to the international.

The same is true for strategies for limiting destructive dynamics and promoting more constructive

alternatives.

This article highlights similarities between the steps that peacebuilders take in their efforts to

transform war-torn societies and the steps that family therapists, lawyers, and mediators might take

to bring families back from the kinds of terrible conflicts that can, on a very small scale, be compara-

bly devastating. Because each of these ideas is presented very briefly here, links to sources of more

information are provided, often from the online knowledge base Beyond Intractability (http://www.

beyondintractability.org).

These steps are presented in a sequential order that suggests that each step must be success-

fully completed before the next step can be undertaken. In practice, however, one virtually

never has the time to pursue such a stepwise approach. Instead, a more realistic goal is to

simultaneously try to make as much progress on each of these steps as possible. This requires a

continuing recognition of the many ways in which the steps interact with and depend upon one

another.

FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 53 No. 3, July 2015 449–455

V

C2015 Association of Family and Conciliation Courts