Ambivalence in Gay and Lesbian Family Relationships

• Published date: 01 June 2016
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12308
• Date: 01 June 2016
• Author: Corinne Reczek

C R The Ohio State University

Ambivalence in Gay and Lesbian Family

Relationships

Intergenerational ambivalence—the simulta-

neous presence of both positive and negative

dimensions of a parent–child tie—is a con-

cept widely used in family studies. Scholars

have claried the measurement of psycho-

logical ambivalence, or an individual’s own

feelings of ambivalence toward others. Yet

research has yet to demonstrate whether—and,

if so, how—individuals characterize others as

ambivalent. Moreover, relatively little is known

about ambivalence in gay and lesbian families.

In the present study 60 in-depth interviews

were analyzed to identify what the author calls

perceived ambivalence in the parent, sibling,

extended kin, and “in-law” relationships of

gay and lesbian adults. Perceived ambivalence

is revealed through gay and lesbian adults’

characterizations of family members’ simulta-

neous positive and negative overt and covert

beliefs and behavior. In addition, the author

renes the concept of collective ambivalence,

wherein perceived ambivalence typies an

entire family unit. The ndings further revealed

the importance of broader sociological factors,

such as homophobia, in structuring perceived

ambivalence.

Over the past decade, intergenerational ambiva-

lence has emerged as a central concept for

Department of Sociology, 238 Townshend Hall, 1885 Neil

Avenue Mall, Columbus,OH 43202 (reczek.2@osu.edu).

This article was edited by Kevin M. Roy.

KeyWords: ambivalence, gay and lesbian families, intergen-

erational relationships,mid- to late life, qualitative research.

understanding relationships between adult chil-

dren and their parents (Lüscher & Pillemer,

1998). Intergenerational ambivalence brings

together psychological ambivalence—the simul-

taneous experience of opposing feelings or

emotions (Bleuler, 1922)—and sociological

ambivalence—incompatible and conicting

expectations and norms of behavior, beliefs, and

attitudes (Connidis, 2015; Merton & Barber,

1963)—to articulate how parents and adult chil-

dren experience “opposing feelings or emotions

that are due in part to countervailing expec-

tations” for how each generation should act

(Connidis & McMullin, 2002b, p. 558; Lüscher

& Pillemer, 1998). A signicant body of work

demonstrates that, much like positive and neg-

ative parent–child relationships, ambivalent

intergenerational relationships are negatively

related to psychological well-being (Kiecolt,

Blieszner, & Savla, 2011; Suitor, Gilligan, &

Pillemer, 2011), which may in turn lead to stress

spillover and proliferation into other domains

of family life (Pearlin, Aneshensel, & LeBlanc,

1997).

Despite important advances in the ambiva-

lence construct, signicant gaps remain. First,

the focus has been nearly entirely on indi-

vidual feelings of psychological ambivalence

toward others, with little attention to the pres-

ence and operation of sociological ambivalence

(Connidis, 2015). Second, a focus on individu-

als’ own feelings of ambivalence toward others

has stunted a view of how family members may

construct others as ambivalent. Constructing

others as ambivalent, much like constructing

others as loving or disapproving, likely has an

644 Journal of Marriage and Family 78 (June 2016): 644–659

DOI:10.1111/jomf.12308

Ambivalence in Gay & Lesbian Family Relationships 645

impact on individual and family well-being.

Third, the focus has been nearly entirely on

intergenerational ties. Yet ambivalence likely

occurs in other lifelong and emotionally close

family relationships, such as sibling, extended

kin, and in-law ties (Connidis, 2007; Matthews,

2002; Suitor et al., 2009; Ward, Deane, & Spitze,

2008). Finally, previous research has focused on

relationships between presumably heterosexual

children and heterosexual parents. This absence

of non-heterosexuals is notable, as recent work

shows that gay and lesbian families have unique

dimensions unarticulated in heterosexual fam-

ilies (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2007; Ocobock,

2013; Reczek, 2014a). For example, broader

institutional forces of homophobia and hetero-

sexism that structure the family relationships

of gay and lesbian adults may engender an

exceptional view of sociological ambivalence

(Connidis, 2012), one that in turn provides a lens

into the causes, dynamics, and consequences of

family interaction. As such, a study of ambiva-

lence in gay and lesbian families informs a the-

oretical and empirical account of broader family

relationships.

To advancean understanding of ambivalence,

gay and lesbian families, and family systems

more broadly (Bowen, 1978), in the present

study I analyzed qualitative interviews with

60 gays and lesbians to determine the nature

of ambivalence in family-of-origin (e.g., par-

ents, siblings, extended kin) and “in-law” (i.e.,

partners’ family of origin) relationships. Specif-

ically, in this study I aimed to identify how gay

and lesbian adults narrate their family members

as exhibiting co-occurring positive (e.g., loving,

giving of instrumental or emotional support) and

negative (e.g., rejecting, disapproving) feelings

and actions (Gilligan, Suitor, Feld, & Pillemer,

2015; Willson, Shuey, & Elder, 2003) within

the structural conditions of a gay or lesbian

family (Connidis, 2015). In doing so, this study

moves beyond research focusing on individuals’

reports of their own experiences of ambivalence

toward a study of how adults construct others

as ambivalent, with specic attention to the

intermingling of psychological and sociological

ambivalence. This study provides a new lens

through which to view how adult gays and

lesbians—a marginalized group—experience

family ties, in turn revealing new dimensions of

family relationships previously undiscovered by

heteronormative family research.

A  F R

Intergenerational ambivalence highlights the

fact that both solidarity and conict coex-

ist in parent–child relationships (Lüscher &

Pillemer, 1998). Ambivalence operates on

both the psychological level—wherein parents

and children experience mixed feelings, emo-

tions, and sentiments—and on the sociological

level—wherein social-structural conditions

engender contradictory expectations between

adult children and their parents (Connidis, 2015;

Connidis & McMullin, 2002a). Psychological

and sociological ambivalence are distinct, but

they overlap, wherein the contradictions cre-

ated by structural norms and institutions are

revealed in family interaction (Connidis, 2015).

In this way, psychological ambivalence is expe-

rienced in relation to—and as a result of—the

broader structural contradictions of sociolog-

ical ambivalence, although few studies have

directly addressed the interaction of micro-level

psychological ambivalence and macro-level

sociological ambivalence (Connidis, 2015).

Recent research suggests that intergenerational

ambivalence is common in the parent–adult

child tie (Peters, Hooker, & Zvonkivoc, 2006;

Rappoport & Lowenstein, 2007). About 50%

of parents report some degree of ambivalence

toward their adult children (Fingerman, Hay,

& Birditt, 2004; Pillemer & Suitor, 2002),

and about 30% of adult children experience

ambivalence toward their parents (vanGaalen &

Dykstra, 2006; Willson et al., 2003). This body

of work has focused nearly entirely on under-

standing how one individual feels ambivalent

about others and thus has failed to account for

how one may perceive others as experiencing

ambivalence.

Although intergenerational ambivalence

may theoretically occur in any parent–adult

child tie, ambivalence is more likely to occur

when commonly held and institutionalized

beliefs, expectations, and practices regarding

parent–child relations are violated (Kiecolt

et al., 2011; Pilliemer et al., 2007; Pillemer

& Suitor, 2002; Ward et al., 2008; Willson,

Shuey, Elder, & Wickrama, 2006). This applies

especially to norms of independence and

dependence (Birditt, Fingerman, & Zarit,

2010; Hillcoat-Nallétamby & Phillips, 2011;

Ingersoll-Dayton et al., 2011). For example,

parents are more likely to experience ambiva-

lence when an adult child does not achieve

normative adult statuses (e.g., complete college;