Afraid ... Always Afraid.

I stood in the street for a long time. When it began to get dark, signaling that our curfew _ soon would be in effect, I began to walk. I eventually found myself on the doorstep of my cousin's house. I could not remember how I got there, but hoped I had found a safe place to rest before figuring out what to do next. My cousin was Jewish, but she was married to Bram, a Christian, so I had no idea if either of them were still in Amsterdam. Even though we had not had any contact for quite some time, I hoped at least one of them would be there to help me. I did not know where else to go.

There were no lights on inside the house. I thought it might be abandoned, that Bram and my cousin had been taken away in the police raids. I took a chance and rang the doorbell. I waited for a response. As I feared, nothing happened. Just as I was about to walk away, I heard a small noise inside the house. Luckily, for the time being at least, Bram had hidden himself well. As he pulled me inside, his eyes darted up and down the street, surveying the area for potential trouble. Anyone found on the street after curfew could be arrested or shot on the spot. I was so shocked when Bram grabbed me, I almost fainted. He put a finger over my mouth, motioning for me not to talk, although in that moment I was sure I had forgotten how.

Once inside, I felt safe. I had been completely terrified alone on the darkening streets, but being with Bram made me feel better right away. He explained that my cousin had been taken away by the German police, and that he did not feel safe, even though he was not Jewish. In those circumstances, he did not feel safe at all.

Bram, they took my mama and my aunt.

I could not help myself. I had to tell someone.

They just came without warning. I took off my shoes and my cello is broken and they shot a mouse and my mama is, I don't know where she is, and I don't know what to do.

Bram stopped me and grabbed my shoulders.

"It's okay, Sal. You're safe here." I could finally breath, at least for the moment.

Bram was impressive--blond, tail, and broad-shouldered--an athletic, powerful man. He always had been kind to my family, and he made me feel welcome.

"Sit down. I'll get you something to eat. You must be hungry."

As he went into his kitchen, I realized I had not eaten anything for hours, and I was famished. Bram soon returned with a plate of food. As I began to devour the bread and cheese, he sat down and leaned in closely. "Sal, listen...