Adaptation process of parents experiencing the coming out of their child

• Published date: 01 December 2024
• Author: Edyta Sielicka,Aleksandra Sobczak
• Date: 01 December 2024
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.13065

RESEARCH

Adaptation process of parents experiencing the

coming out of their child

Edyta Sielicka | Aleksandra Sobczak

Institute of Pedagogy of the University of

Szczecin, Szczecin, Poland

Correspondence

Edyta Sielicka, Institute of Pedagogy,

University of Szczecin, Krakowska

65, Szczecin 70-453, Poland.

Email: edyta.sielicka@usz.edu.pl

Abstract

Objective: The objective of the study was to analyze the

process of adaptation in parents residing in Poland whose

child has revealed their gay/lesbian sexual orientation or

gender identity and determine the stages and conditions of

this process.

Background: When a young person discloses their

gay/lesbian sexual orientation or transgender identity, their

parents’reaction has a significant impact on their psycho-

logical well-being and on whether their family system can

survive.

Method: This study, carried out from July to November

2022, involved conducting 21 interviews with parents

residing in Poland whose child (whether a younger child,

an adolescent, or an emerging adult) had come out about

their gay/lesbian sexual orientation or transgender

identity.

Results: Analysis of interviews conducted during the

research revealed the main stages of the process of parents’

adaptation to their child coming out: initial attribution,

coming out, secondary attribution, confrontation, and

acceptance. For individual stages, we categorized reac-

tions, which complement the description of an individual

trajectory of adaptation.

Conclusion: It is our opinion that for parents experiencing

their child’s coming out, the concept of their adaptation

should be expanded to include a theory of grief and psy-

chological crisis, highlighting the parents’need for

cognitive-functional validation of the situation.

Implications: Future research should seek to individualize

the adaptation trajectories of parents whose child has

come out about their sexual orientation or gender identity

and relate these analyses to both mothers’and fathers’

parental roles.

Received: 20 March 2023 Revised: 22 February 2024 Accepted: 6 May 2024

DOI: 10.1111/fare.13065

© 2024 National Council on Family Relations.

Family Relations. 2024;73:3159–3175. wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/fare 3159

KEYWORDS

adaptation process, coming out of one’s child, LGBTQ+community

parenthood, parental acceptance

Poland is a country where, since the change of government in 2015, support for right-wing and

far-right parties has been consistently growing, which furthers radicalization processes manifested

in campaigns, including legislative ones, launched against LGBTQ+people. It is estimated that

by 2020, within approximately 30% of Poland’s territory, local authorities had not only intro-

duced regulations restricting the rights of LGBT people (i.e., to civil partnerships or same-sex

marriages; Tomczak et al., 2022) but also indicated areas of sanctioned parental interference in

school and preschool education to prevent the spread of pro-LGBTQ+activities. Consequently,

the local governments in which such documents had been adopted were labeled LGBT-free zones

and came under fierce criticism as discriminatory by the European Union; this resulted in their

tarnished image and, in some cases, financial losses (Tomczak et al., 2022). Poland’scurrent

sociopolitical climate, the growing radicalization of attitudes, and the lack of legal mechanisms

for ensuring equal treatment have led to the country being ranked 42 out of 49 European coun-

tries in the review of the state of legal protection provided to LGBT+persons; this review is pres-

ented annually by the ILGA Europe organization (Rainbow Europe, 2022).

The situation in which the members of the LGBTQ+community in Poland have found them-

selves is difficult, as witnessed by the 2020 report prepared by the Kampania Przeciw Homofobii

(Campaign Against Homophobia, KPH), which stated that 12% of LGBTQ+persons planned

to leave the country, with a third of them citing discrimination they had experienced as their rea-

son for emigrating. As many as 53% of the respondents had experienced a hate crime, and almost

half had experienced cyber-violence. Studies conducted in Poland have also shown a strong rela-

tionship between LGBTQ+people experiencing prejudice-based violence and symptoms of

depression, low self-esteem, and lower levels of life satisfaction (Winiewski &

´

Swider, 2023). In

the context of these data, it seems that broadly understood support for LGBTQ+persons is one

of the key factors in maintaining their psychosocial balance, with parental support playing a par-

ticularly important role. The research demonstrates that the family’s reaction to the coming out

of a young person has a definite impact on the latter’s mental health (Ryan et al., 2010). Such

reactions may differ depending on the type of attachment style manifested, which means that

there is a much lower risk of breaking family ties in the case of offspring with secure attachment

styles than in those from families with avoidant attachment styles (Rosario, 2015). Young adults

who have experienced a high level of rejection from their family during adolescence were approxi-

mately 8 times more prone to suicidal behaviors and about 6 times more susceptible to depression

(Ryan, 2009). Hence, it appears that family’s acceptance is a factor protecting young LGBTQ+

persons against risky behaviors (Ryan et al., 2010).

In Poland, it is mothers (54.7%) and sisters (53.1%) who are most likely to be aware of a chi-

ld’s or adolescent’s sexual orientation. In contrast, approximately 43.4% of brothers are aware,

and 39.6% for fathers, who are least aware among family members. Nearly one in five members

of the LGBTQ+community admit that their gay/lesbian sexual orientation or their transgender

identity was revealed to their family members in a way that they found unacceptable. As many

as 20.6% members of this community said they had lost an important relationship with some-

one by coming out (Winiewski &

´

Swider, 2023).

BACKGROUND

The ample literature on family systems theories (Bowen, 1966; Cox & Paley, 1997,2003;

Haefner, 2014; Turnbull & Turnbull, 1991) and the recently developed methods of research on

3160 FAMILY RELATIONS