A Nostalgic Touch of Humor
| Publication year | 2021 |
| Pages | 21 |
| Citation | Vol. 90 No. 1 Pg. 21 |
January, 2021
Allow me to introduce a new word to your vocabulary
by Matt Keenan
Along time ago in a galaxy far away, parenting was very different.
Expecting mothers smoked and drank, delivered their babies while knocked out on painkillers, then drove around town with the new addition sitting on their lap with the window down. Breakfast was Captain Crunch or Quisp. When nap time arrived, moms tossed their toddlers in cribs plastered with lead paint. Lunch was processed meats loaded with Mayo. Moms cooked dinner in a huge vat of grease. What was ultimately was served was never fully identified.
When that kid was able to walk, he stepped out the front door and returned ten years later on a bike with a banana seat.
Everyone aged 50 and older knows this drill. Some lived it. I did.
Dads spanked. Moms spanked. The nuns who taught at St. Pat's spanked. One time my older sister Kate claimed privilege to spank. And if you were well behaved, in our house, one day you could hop on your bike with your kid brother on as a pump, and follow the mosquito truck around town and inhale DDT.
It tasted like oil, in case you wondered.
In Great Bend, the largest homes in town belonged to the dentists. There were no orthodontists. Everyone had a chipped tooth, crooked, crowded teeth. Life went on.
Sure, the pendulum has swung to the other end of the spectrum. But this month's column is not a commentary on today's parenting. Neither is it the opportunity to tell us what we already know—2020 was an awful year.
Instead, the goal today is to introduce a new word in your vocabulary. A word you have never heard before and, God willing, you will not hear again.
The Rain Forest Jumperoo. Okay, three words.
Fisher Price describes the Rain Forest Jumperoo (aka Migraine Maker) this way:
• "Exciting lights, sounds and music reward your baby's every jump"
• "Infant jumper with 360 degrees of play, including peek-a-boo tiger, bat-at monkey, rattle lizard, and more."
• "An electronic toy at the front has motion, music and lights that can be activated by baby spinning a drum. Busy toys, including a bobble elephant and swinging monkey, captivate baby's attention and keep him entertained."
• "Music, lights and sounds reward baby's jumping."
If Chuckie Cheese and Ronald McDonald could have a baby, it would be the Jumperoo.
And yes, it...
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