Colorado Bar Association President's Message to Members
| Jurisdiction | Colorado,United States |
| Citation | Vol. 22 No. 2 Pg. 259 |
| Pages | 259 |
| Publication year | 1993 |
1993, February, Pg. 259. Colorado Bar Association President's Message to Members
As you may recall from my December 1992 column, I was recently visited by a legal "ET," who was a bit surprised after he observed our legal system in action. He came with a list of things to investigate, and promised to issue a report that summarized what he found. Here's his report to me, which I pass along to each of you.
Dear President Daniel:
What have I learned, looking around at your legal system? Well, I must say that I've learned plenty of lawyer jokes. Interesting, some lawyers laugh at them, some get really miffed and some get really angry. Since my face is made of green plastic, this allows me to remain neutral.
But let me move to the serious stuff.
I learned that long ago, in earth terms that is, men (I use that term generically, since I know how sensitive you are) clubbed one another. Give me that tiger meat! No, it's mine. Wham, wham, slap, thud! This had the benefit of speed and cost-effectiveness, apparently, although the hearth rug might get a bit mussed.
By watching some of your old movies, I've been able to ascertain that as your system evolved, sides would be chosen, men in stiff silver suits on horses would ride at each other and would sometimes fall into pits. (And I must say Charlton Heston was great.) This had the benefit of population control and the perpetuation of the original "might makes right" policy that's been so popular.
Now I see that you've almost come full circle. I wandered into one of those birthday-cake-looking buildings in the middle of the city with all the courtrooms. I saw lawyers yelling at each other and coming very close to blows. I thought I heard them saying "No, that's my tiger meat. Wham, blam." Such antics!
I guess the big discovery is that this system of settling disputes, unlike the original one, is not speedy or cost effective or even very satisfactory to the participants. I looked at some court files and dockets and it appears to take years to dispose of simple disputes.
Those who use this method seemed to fall into two camps: the very shaggy or the very well shorn. We have "in-between" folks on our planet, but...
To continue reading
Request your trial