On the prowl.

AuthorPuterbaugh, Dolores T.
PositionLife in America - Middle aged people - Column

ON THURSDAY at 6 p.m., in any mildly upscale watering hole, the cougar has stalked past the comb-over. The classic stereotype of the man in midlife crisis, sporting a comb-over, expensive car, and a taste for women his daughter's age has been nudged aside in the media by the "cougar": the middle-aged woman prowling for men her son's age. Much of the media has yielded to the temptation to be caught up in the titillating aspects of it all. Are they being sexist if they sneer at the woman and congratulate the man? Does the cougar merit an "atta girl" for finally staking out the grounds of sexual power and privilege previously allotted to successful men? Is there any difference? How do we accommodate or reject the eons-old historic precedent of men marrying when they are able to support a family versus women marrying as soon as possible after puberty, and the resulting cultural acceptance of men being somewhat older than their wives? What does it matter, anyway?

As a middle-aged female, I am more than happy to take on the media infatuation with cougardom. I have seen my share of famous and relative unknowns embracing the label--the fundraising calendars, the television shows, the tiresome parade of articles and news bytes, etc. Too many of these women seem hard, and that hardness hints at coldness, a deep woundedness, or terror. Perhaps I am mistaken; perhaps it simply is too much Botox that dulls the gentle expression of soft emotions, or what I am seeing is the interpersonal disinterest that results from certain antidepressants. The statistics assert 10 to 20% of women are prescribed these medications, and the flattening of affect and emotional disengagement that result are epidemic.

Suppose that hardness masks fear and insecurity. Mocking vulnerable people's desperate flight into shallow congress is a cheap shot. There is a bigger picture. These disordered relationships--in the psychological and theological senses--merely are symptoms of a greater social disorder. Over-attention to bizarre relationships in our culture takes the spotlight away from the greater problem. It is like being caught up with a patient's complaint of fatigue without checking for the underlying cause. Fatigue is a warning sign of something awry and, in the case of disordered relationships, that something appears to be a systemic lack of maturity.

There is a tremendous difference between taking care of one's physical, emotional, and mental health and being consumed by an unhealthy fear. From a spiritual perspective, many faiths consider maintaining one's illness and attractiveness, within reason, an obligation of married persons. Having given themselves to one another in matrimony, the spouses are expected to maintain the gift. The Roman Catholic Theology of the Body, a comprehensive teaching comprising the role of sexuality in human life, developed by John Paul II, is one religious teaching that...

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